As my son’s 5th birthday approaches and I reach the 4-month mark of my personal sabbatical, I can't help feeling ashamed. Initially, I had envisioned dedicating my time to constant prayer, seeking God, and making positive changes in my life. However, I have been struggling with spiritual dryness lately. For me, spiritual dryness means feeling drained and lacking the energy to pray and worship.
As I write this, I realize that I am not stuck, but rather, I am growing through self-reflection. I have been reflecting on the things that have made it difficult for me to achieve my goals. I have come to the realization that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and that self-improvement and self-discovery are ongoing practices. It is easy to believe that self-discovery is a one-time event, but it is not. As we grow, we continuously change.
I have not had the desire to speak with friends or be around them, but I am okay with that. So, I guess this sabbatical is going fine. The battle is with the person in the mirror. I just have to make a conscious effort daily to win my day. Therefore, I am writing this note to myself.
I will take it one day at a time, without worrying about tomorrow, as the scripture says. I will focus on the tasks and goals set for that day. I will become comfortable with being uncomfortable and learn to say no to myself. This means loving myself enough to go to bed early and wake up at the desired time or to deny myself junk food because the latter goal is greater than the current pleasure.
I will remember my why and the people who will benefit from me hitting my milestones. I will accept my spiritual dryness and get out of it by remaining in God's presence. While saying no to fleshly desires, I will say yes to God's will. This means reading one chapter of the Bible daily, thanking God throughout the day, and listening to faith-based music or sermons while cleaning. To achieve self-deliverance and a breakthrough, I must remain in His presence.
With this said, I will not accept spiritual dryness. I am no longer ashamed but liberated by the truth. I am dedicated to God, and I will continue to improve my self-talk during challenging times, remembering that greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world.